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I am currently playing music for strangers at a bar...I do not have access to this blog.

...how the hell am I posting this?!  Am I a ghost of myself trapped in the internet?

Who will come save me?  YOU!  You are reading this right now!  Help!  I'm trapped...

...so cold...

Jukebox Math

It apparently takes me three practices, a night of stress, a page of detailed notes, 33 years of listening to music, 8 years of experience and an instance of dumb luck to end up playing music for strangers at a bar! Who knew it would be so difficult to be a jukebox!

A Stroll

I just walked down the street.  It's amazing to think about what just happened!  One foot in front of the other, taking sharp turns at corners, understanding the series of symbols and signs that ensure I navigate from Point A to Point B safely.  People: I walk by them, and they walk by me, and they have stories as complex as mine yet we just pass by each other!  Maybe we are cousins, but we'll never know!  I bet that only 60 years ago, in the 1950s, I would not be able to pull this off!

Walking with a pink mohawk is pretty amazing.

Mouth Drum

Would a stuttering beat boxer sound awesome?  Or would they be a total mess?

The Worst

When the subject of 'asking a question' comes up, the most common response (in my very scientific survey) is 'The worst that can happen is they say no.'

What if the question is "Will you stick this knife in my chest?"

In that case, the worst that can happen is they say yes!

Scream Along

When folk-pop artists, or acoustic-emo musicians, play concerts I noticed that the audience always sings along.  Often louder than the artist themselves.  So all you hear is the kids...and their horrible voices.  So...in essence, everyone is paying to do expensive karaoke while staring at someone they can't even hear.

I think it would be cool if the same thing happened at death metal concerts.  Think about it.

Improper Misuse

I overuse punctuation...like...I tend to put lots of exclamation points!!  I know!  And ellipses...I love ellipses.  But I am pretty sure that I misuse punctuation properly.  I put exclamation points at the end of a sentence, not in the middle!  Ellipses break the action...like a pause in a sentence.  Someone who puts exclamation points in the middle...or ellipses in the wrong place...they're improperly misusing punctuation.

Graph Shank

I think it would be rockin' if the line graph on my computer continued straight off the edge of the monitor, like a sharp yet brightly coloured blade, projecting growth or decline into the future in actual space.  I feel bad for the person who would be in the path of my graph, though.

I don't know what would be worse: Growth and you lose an eye...Decline and...let's not go there.

Expensive Scone

I love the scones at the coffee shop where I work but they're expensive.  A co-worker and I have a theory.  The cream for the scones comes from Latvian cows hand fed golden hay.  It's the only possible explanation for those prices.

Woozy

It's late so I've gotten woozy.  I also forgot to eat today...and just ate...so it could be the food making me woozy.  I was pretty busy today...maybe I just worked myself into woozyness.  Oh yah...I also took about three muscle relaxants about half an hour ago.  Naaah...it's the food.

The Name of the Game

It's only a few hours in, but I'm imagining a future where I publish a book based on all these strange thoughts called 'Purple Is The Parking Lot.'  I've also imagined a lawsuit over the name, which I took from a nonsense saying some friends used to say in high school.  I've pictured their high school diary, where the saying was printed as some sort of regular sign off...instead of 'So long!' or 'That's it for now.'  The judge obviously sides with the girls.  I'm screwed

Math

If a streetcar can hold 50 people, and currently holds 50 passengers, and 50 are waiting to get on...how do they board the streetcar? Easy.

Science!

Missed Movie

My co-workers are going to the movie, but I have other plans.  Hah!  Jokes on them!  They're having to see Transformers 3!! I get to ride a street car and convince a lady who doesn't understand English that I shouldn't pay for a broken banister in a house I don't live in!

In today's new digital world world MY day is FAR more interactive and engaging than theirs, and that's what counts, right???  Right?

Bad Bathroom

The bathroom where I work is badly designed.  If someone is at the urinal you have to snuggle up to them to use the hand drier.  If someone is in the stall, you have to loom next to them to dry your hands.  If both are in use, you are sandwiched between (often unknown) two people using the bathroom.  If ever there was an encouragement to not wash your hands in a public restroom...this is it.

Little Toy Gun

We have a toy gun in the office where I work that shoots little foam discs.  They fly like frisbees.  I've figured out how it works...you know...the whole 'adjust for the barrel' thing.  I can hit a guitar from about five feet away, which doesn't sound that impressive...but when that D string rings...it's like heaven.

Plastic Bag Plushies

My life has been complicated since moving.  Many of my stuffed animals are still in the plastic bags they were moved in a month ago.  I wonder what they're thinking.  Are they going to be happy when I open the bag and hug them and tell them how much I missed them...or have they been plotting something horrible.

...what...will...they...do?

Feign Surprise

I'd like to set up my rolling chair so that, next time I need to feign surprise in a meeting, I can push backwards...sliding clear through the door...with my hands and feet forward...all the while going "WHOOOOOOOOOOAH!"